Besha'ah Tovah-- Karen's Story + More

Karen's Story*

Why did you tie a red ribbon around your waist?

"... I obviously learned about this in college, since my mother swears she's never heard of it. It must have been in a class that was discussing Lilith - Adam's mythical first wife. According to legend, Lilith was an assertive, aggressive woman (hence the Feminist Jewish magazine bearing her name) and she (supposedly) 'always liked to be on top'. Since she was unable to bear children, Adam sought a more fruitful & domestic partner in Eve. Hell hath no fury like Lilith, and she was determined to avenge her wrong by 'stealing' Jewish babies.....The red ribbon is supposed to protect an unborn child from Lilith."

Do you believe that Lilith exists and that by tying the ribbon you are saving your unborn baby?

".... On one level, I believe that there are spirits among us that are not to be trifled with... Do I believe in Lilith? Not really. Would my conscience ever be clear if harm befell my child and I thought that I could have done something (as simple as tying a string around my waist) to prevent it? Never. And that's what superstition is about - easing one's conscience. It is an attempt to quell those unspeakable fears that were so a part of everyday life in the past. Perhaps in the scientific age, superstitions have been replaced by scientific understanding, but there will always be a bit of unpredictability in life that superstitions will not altogether be lost. It never hurts to toss salt over your shoulder, so why not be safe rather than sorry?"

How did you feel when you were wearing the ribbon?

"...I felt different - unique. It is quite apparent that the things my family does surrounding pregnancy & birth (such as not giving out the name) are not the same things my mommy friends from play group do. It often takes some explaining (as do many things Jewish - like why we don't eat spicy shrimp to 'bring on labor'!)..."

Did you feel a sort of cosmic connection with Jews over time?

"I did not feel 'suddenly Jewish' just because I tied on a ribbon - I did not feel a transcendental interconnection, but I felt like I was 'trying on' a ritualistic garment that would be silly for a non-Jew to wear, but somehow meaningful for me (since I am acquainted with the story of Lillith). In fact, my son even tried it..."

You said your mom had not heard of Lilith. How does your family relate to this tradition?

"...I wasn't raised in a very religious home, so much of my Judaism is learned later, in adulthood...[This red ribbon practice] would not typically be considered a 'family tradition' in my family of origin (my mom, dad, brothers, etc.) I could not, however, have come to the level of Jewish identification I gained in college without having had a Jewish family. Even though we weren't 'practicing' after my father's death (when I was nine) - he was the Hillel director on campus & all of my early Jewish memories from before his death are very influential to me even today. So yes, in that sense, perhaps I am even connecting to my father (who was the embodiment of Judaism to me growing up) as well as bridging the gap of limited religious practice back to Jewish women of the past (maybe even Lilith - hey, who wouldn't want to get on a strong woman's good side?) and to my daughter in the future (whoops! did I give too much away? Well, it's just two more weeks!)"

Other Protective Rituals

Jfer-- "After the baby's born, customs involving the [demons] include tying a red thread around the child's wrist (so the baby won't seem perfect -- [Lillith] will see it as a 'flaw!')."

Sophie-- "During my first pregnancy my friends and I did a ritual [that] involved my friends wrapping a string (we didn't have a red thread that had actually been to Rachel's Tomb so we improvised) around my belly and each person blessing me in turn."

Joshua-- "Others have mentioned the myriad of ways to avert the evil eye as well as confuse the Malach Ha-Mavet (Angel of Death) and Lillith. According to most, the reason why the child remains unnamed for a bit is because the Malach Ha-Mavet cannot take one whoes name is not on his list. That is also why, traditionally, a Jewish child is named after DEAD relatives: If the Malach Ha-Mavet were to come for 99 year old Shlomo Bernstein we would want him to get the right one not the newborn."